1. |
Autobahn
04:10
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Verse 1:
I’ve been checking on this denim, like checking on this venom
That’s green inside my pocket- when I got it I can spend it
When I got it, it’s tremendous, but when I don’t I panic
I just panic…I just panic…til’ I think I’m gonna vanish
Til’ now I can’t stand it, so, now I’m not standing
And I’m down on the ground trying to get some understanding
Try to get this Xanax and get some understanding
But it’s circles in my mind though, like a different time zone
Fast like an autobahn, but I ain’t got no brakes on
How much can I take on? But wait- what if I get lost?
No money and no clothing frozen in the open with the toes off
Cause of frostbite- homeless and jobless cause my mind won’t act right
But why wouldn’t I panic? Like I’m headin’ for a flat line, wishing I could stop time
Fast like an autobahn with no stop signs
Cause its green lights all day, worry in the backseat
Fast like an autobahn, fast like an autobahn…with no brakes on
Cause I’m anxious and my mind is….
Chorus:
Fast like an autobahn, fast like an autobahn—what can I take on?
Hey, hey, it’s fast like an autobahn—like spinning my wheels, spinning in circles, round and round
Going fast like an autobahn, fast like an autobahn—what can I take on?
Hey, hey, it’s fast like an autobahn, fast like an autobahn, with no brakes on
Cause I’m anxious
Verse 2:
Thoughts be like NASCAR, never getting that far two feet in the same place, going at the same pace, but enter into this space
And I see you watching and I’m watching while you’re watching I ain’t got no other options
When you’re talking it’s a problem cause, all I hear is problems
In my mind trying to solve em’, spinning door just resolvin’
Just spinning never stopping and I want to find a closet, but these questions keep on poppin’ like…
What do I say? What do I not? Am I okay? Am I not? Am I liked? Am I not? Is this right? Should I stop?
Feels like I’m writing a story with myself as the main plot
But man this is backwards I’m nothing but an actor
Fear is my factor approval is my master, fear is my factor approval is my master
I think I need a pastor, or maybe another Xanax and find a secret annex
And be like Anne Frank and hide away from myself…
Cause I’m anxious, and my mind is
Chorus
Verse 3:
Spinning in a circle, but when it comes full circle
I find myself in the middle and it’s a common riddle
That I need more calm for these sweaty palms
And less hurry for my worry then surely my anxiety would scurry
Keep pulling myself up by the bootstraps
But these straps lack the power that is needed to fix my conceited heart
That keeps putting me in the center of the circle that I keep spinning around
Until this paradox explodes the box…YEAH!
It’s fast like an E-brake, gas like an empty tank, rich with an empty bank, broke with a full safe
Circle with a full space, but me in the outer space
The pulse starts to slow, it ain’t fast like a….you kno
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2. |
Stubborn Darkness
03:38
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This stubborn darkness, marks this- blood in the water- I swim with the shark fins
Why won’t you leave me be? Wish I could leave this sea of emotions that I float in that give me this anxiety…
Hey- why you cast your shadow when the sun’s still out- I don’t buy that seasonal affective disorder I’m sorry.
Cause that would mean that all I need is 70 degrees and a spring day in May to be okay- hardly.
You must not know the veil that covers the eyes so that when you see heaven- you really see hell
Maybe you don’t see that well- this stubborn darkness
This stubborn darkness- you tell me that hope is only seen.
And I believe you, I need to, cause, all I see is me
Just a man in the mirror, I’m just a main in the mirror,
til’ now I can’t stand looking at this man in the mirror.
I think I need to pursue happiness- and that’s it?
But when you say pursue happiness? Guilt trip.
Cause I [tried] my happy way to live- it’s love, live, laugh
I did it and still don’t know what happiness is, except something I’ve never had
This stubborn darkness is heartless, no heart left, my heart ain’t right, my heart feels dead
Nah, my heart’s okay- it’s just them chemicals in my head that show me I don’t know the right way- well okay
I still feel like [there’s] no one understands me-
I tell you how I feel and I’m right cause you don’t understand me
I might take flight from the earth that I’m standing
Medication gave me gravity, [but] never game me everlasting
This is the prison that I live in: caged bird with wings clipped
This is my lot…make it stop…make it stop…yeeeeeeeeahhh make it stop!
This stubborn darkness marks this heart that is heartless
The hardest part is that I am part of this problem
And them white coats don’t tell me that!
And I believe them, but deep down, I don’t believe them
Step into my inner dialogue….
Explicit content won’t do this justice when my mind’s involved
Nah, it’s not my mind, it comes from another organ that donates these lines
Of hatred, anger, and rage that fill a blank canvas- I can’t stand this
It’s like a need a new page, a new loose leaf, a new belief, a new me…
Hey- then this question occurs to me, as I light this cigarette that burns for me
What if there was a Light that would burn in me?
Cause if the darkness saw that Light, it would turn from me
It would turn and flee and pain would be a temporary concern
And I would learn to see that maybe life is not about me
And the darkness would fade to black…
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3. |
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Intro:
No gravity cause the fall ain’t real
This height don’t seem high from the top of the sky
Death don’t seem real, okay, I know it’s real
But if you know what I know then you[’d] know how I feel
Verse 1:
Bottom to the top propped 10,000 ft. up
Got stopped now I’m propped in my spot with my feet up
Got locked like a cop, dropped, then handcuffed
Put my dreams in prison now I’m living with my hands up
Flying without dying, like flying without trying
Like sirens aren’t complying and even death is lying
I’m finding in my mind that the mountain I have climbed
And if I’m sitting up this high, I can pivot to the side
Don’t try to override, come inside, coincide
Seems like suicide, but if I jump I could fly
But if I jump I could die- but if I jump I could fly
no need to change my mind
Verse 2:
Lying on the ground with my face on the pavement
Face on the ground while I face this containment
Face of the proud: basis of my arraignment
Guilty is the cry, but I’m crying not forsaken!
Feels like I could die 6 ft. deep in the basement
They say don’t ask why while I wait at this station
and my soul cries…..
Refrain:
Like, let freedom ring…like what if I point the ring finger at me?
The type of dream that tragedy brings, the type of dream that gravity brings
Like the only nightmare is being unaware that even gravity is meant to point us higher….
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4. |
Heart Matter
02:24
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Why should I fake it? Like when I walk into a room and every eye says that you are the center and yet I want this stage and at times I don’t I’m complicated. My mind moves fast like an autobahn- I’m just saying. Or like when I try to be liked→ I know that I talk about myself a lot. I’m constantly comparing myself to yourself and this is bad for my mental health at least that’s what my doctor tells me- Maybe he’s right- but Prozac hasn’t yet fixed my life! This stubborn darkness still turns light into night and these emotions go up and down like sound. Who knew I could crave silence so much and at the same time say so loud that I’m not alright? And you should know, that when the music is loud, consequences don’t exist like gravity don’t exist and I’m floating in the midst of this high, but why should I fake it, why should I try?
Because it’s like I exist in this matter and you tell me that it’s mind over matter and I’m like, “Is that really what is the matter?” Like all I hear is what I am, but I’m sorry Mr. Psychology I have to ask why? I know that you’re a smart guy and these chemicals won’t provide what I need to get by, but honestly I’m not yet satisfied. And please don’t put me in an anti-medicine box- maybe I need my medication, but what I need more is an explanation for why this stubborn darkness won’t leave, why my mind moves at fast speeds, and why I can’t perceive that I’m wrong, and I blame shift. It’s like I’m living the same song- can we hit pause, can we hit replay and talk about how I became this way?
Did I inherit bad genetics? Born into a rough family? Are my parents to blame because they didn’t understand me? Are my words harsh and sharp cause of this bully named Mark who used to make fun of me? Will I forever be marred by these wounds and scars? Will I call my past Webster? A book that defines and at the same time binds me to this prison I’m living in. What’s the prescription? Is the problem all around me? The people that surround me? Or could I be a portion of this disaster? Let’s get to the heart of the matter…yeah
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5. |
Balance
05:22
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6. |
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Verse 1:
I’m cold as a stone, but stone cold is the night
Like if I’m at home, it’d be nice, and if you’re alone, it’s alright
Lonely road with no clothes, broken nose from the blows
Empty pocket, empty wallet, got no solace, broken soul
Passerby, pass em’ by…A bystander standing by
Get a “hi”, maybe a “bye”à but you ain’t getting’ none of my time!
Got no minutes or the digits, no need for explicit visits…
Probably hooked on something cooked in a cauldron…man that’s all wrong hold on
He’s dying and crying, he’s lying with lions
Bleeding from his head, he’s almost dead, no signs of the sirens…
And me? I’m fairing fairly nice, got my stare at Fahrenheit
32 below, close to zero, but sorry can’t be the hero bro, no!
Let me go, I need to go, I want to go across the road
The prose of my heart is closed in the dark
I grope for the start, but approach off the mark and the end’s not where I wanna be
Cause I ain’t got eyes to see….cause all I see is me
Chorus:
With Your hands, play Your song
Use my life I’m Your instrument
Tune my heart to sing Your song
Use my life I’m Your instrument
Verse 2:
Can you let me enter in? Closed door locked from sin
Closed door locked within, open mind too closed Locksmith come and pop it in
New heart, new mind, new eyes, new tithes
Not the 10%, but the Infinite hand of mercy for the dirty and I’m dirty, so now let’s go in!
Knowin’ I’m broken yet clothed in righteous clothing
Cloaked and soaked in His atonement
Knowin’ I got sin, yet growin’ in the knowledge of Him, now enrolled in the college of Him
Leave the complacent in the basement when I’m faced with the face on the pavement- compassion
Just try to reach grasp- the same God who made our feet and abs
Put on hands to reach and grab, put on feet to walk the path
Didn’t compete- just sat in last. How we treat? Just sat and laughed
How He’d grieve the path we had! How He’d see our aftermath
And go and meet us after that?
Died to make our peace with Dad. Died for peace in the streets we have
Lord, I don’t see! Help me ask. Need compassion? Jesus has!
True compassion, Jesus has! Lord help me to be compassionate! Please….
Chorus x 2
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